Articles and Tips

I'll Have Salad With That

When I became a working mom I felt guilty just about every moment of every day. Guilty when I had to get my kids up at six a.m. so that I could get them to school and make the hour-long trip to work. Especially guilty when my daughter had to walk home with her stand-up base on her back and guilty when I couldn't make it to the after-school soccer game.

This was when good moms drove car pools, baked cookies, grew prize-winning orchids and wallpapered the kitchen. I was trying desperately to still be that good mom at the same time I was trying to be a good worker. Nobody told me that the two things were incompatible.

I hear a similar story from my clients all the time. They feel guilty when they leave their co-workers at 5:30 to pick up their kids and they feel guilty that they didn't leave at 4:30 to pick up their kids. When they finally get the kids in bed at night they feel guilty that they are too tired to exercise.

Work-life balance has become a mantra of our age. Companies tout it in their recruiting materials and magazines give awards for the best places to work based on their dedication to helping their employees achieve it, but what does it really mean? We tend to think of it like weights on a scale, work on one end and family, friends, and self on the other but we all know that it's way more complex than that.

What if balance were like making a delicious salad? Lettuce for fiber, avocado for creamy texture, some roasted pecans for crunch, the sweetness of a few cranberries and a squeeze of lemon to add tartness. It's balance makes the salad satisfying and fulfilling!

What are the core ingredients in your salad? Work? TV? Laundry? Do you fall into the "as soon as" trap? As soon as I get organized I'm going to mix in a few carrots and some organic blueberries. You can live your whole life like that and never get those blueberries!

Jim Bird of Work-Life Balance writes that there are two ingredients that really need to go into your day --Achievement and Enjoyment. You're probably pretty clear about the achievement part but what about enjoyment? What does it mean to have enjoyment in your life? It's way more than just a laugh at the water cooler; it's about pride, satisfaction, happiness, celebration, love ... all the joys of living.

Bird asks, "When was the last time you achieved and enjoyed something at work? What about achieved and enjoyed with your family and friends? And when did you achieve and enjoy something just for you?" You may not have all the components of work-life balance (work, family, friends, you) in every day but you can have a satisfying and fulfilling mix if you remember to always include achievement and enjoyment.

My goal today is to have some achievement and some enjoyment and I know if I do both those things I'll have a pretty good day and if I do both those things every day I'll have a pretty good life.

As my granddaughter and I watched the nurse do all the things that nurses do to newborns I kept thinking that my grandson wasn't even supposed to be here yet. A month early and only five pounds he was a kicking, screaming, tiny ball of indignation. He'd just been through the most critical journey he would ever make and he wasn't happy with where he had wound up.

When we finally got our hands on him he seemed like nothing so much as a scrawny chicken with black hair and huge eyes. It seemed surreal that the knees and elbows we had so lovingly caressed by placing our hands on my daughter's belly were right there in front of us waiting to be touched, kissed, and smelled. If you've been present at the birth of a baby you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say it was a humbling experience.

Here he was, our little Michael, brand new to the world and only five pounds. He seemed so vulnerable, and of course he was, but he also had everything he needed. This tiny little body was complete. Heart, lungs, brain, stomach; they were all there. In a five pound package! No need to go out and acquire anything; it was all there. I admit that my emotions were pretty raw but this realization seemed profound.

What if I applied this awareness to me? What if I accepted my own human perfection? If I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was resourceful, intelligent, caring, brave, and competent what might I risk? The truth is that I am all of those things and so are you. Each of us has everything we need to pursue our dreams and to achieve our own level of greatness.

What might we accomplish if we each honestly acknowledged our own strengths and talents and used them to make our (individual and collective) dreams come true? As Marianne Williamson so brilliantly wrote, who are we not to be brilliant, talented, gorgeous, and fabulous? We are each a child of God. We have everything we need.